Let's understand why children fight?

Let's understand why children fight?

dec 03 | Isa Colli

Children are sensitive, perceptive and cunning; more than that, they are highly emotional and know how to recognize affinities with little ones.

Between 4 and 6 they like to play in groups and identify very well the little friends they like to be together. In this phase, any annoyance is reason to not want to be more friend of someone, to sulk and to cry. Of course the enmity lasts only a few seconds, but in most cases the envelopes end up getting very upset.

What to do when the joke ends in screams, swearing, jerks, hair pulling, slaps, bites and scratches? At this point, the adult must be clear about how he wants to resolve the impasse: does he intervene, draw attention and encourage the apology, or let the children solve their differences on their own?

First, you need to understand why children quarrel. Are they simply aggressive, spoiled, or selfish? No! This is an important phase of child maturation. Children in this age group are getting to know their feelings, their emotions and reactions, as well as learning to socialize and socialize, gradually abandoning egocentrism.

It is normal to be possessive and jealous, imposing your wills:It's mine! Me of? I do not give! I do not lend! Get out! Go away!

School plays an important role in this process as it offers the first community environment where children need to share everything. More than dividing space, they learn to share attention, affection and toys, a situation very different from the usual, and therefore a change difficult to accept. From this adaptation, moments of aggressiveness arise.

They test the limits at all times - theirs and those of others - trying to understand how far they can go. Fighting is a way to put your desire and find out how much your wishes are worth.

In Early Childhood, language and its meanings are still being constructed. So pushing, biting or beating are not signs of malice, but rather that the child has not yet learned other ways to solve problems. The same goes for cries and fits of anger (which will continue to occur if she realizes they have an effect).

These are perfectly normal and healthy reasons for children's quarrels, which are part of the process of developing empathy and understanding social rules.

But, attention to cases of excessive crises. Exaggeration can be a sign of chronic relationship difficulties. Situations of rejection or harassment, for example, require intervention to avoid problems in academic performance and school adjustment, and not compromising health or letting oneself isolate and develop depression and anxiety.

Identifying children who are facing problems in living with others requires a close look not only for the behavior they present in school, but also for their family and socioeconomic relationships, their health, their potential and their cognitive development.


When times of aggression were frequent, something may be wrong. Very isolated or extremely shy children, as well as others, should be monitored because communication failures make them more easily excluded by colleagues.


For children with physical, intellectual or emotional disabilities, relating to the rest of the class is a challenge.


The child learns from the behaviors he experiences. How do parents or relatives resolve conflicts at home? What is the environment in which she lives? Does she feel secure? Try to know what the child's habits at home - exposure to violent movies, videos and games, for example, are not indicated in Early Childhood (when no distinction is made between real and fictitious) and can bring about aggressive reactions .

Economic situation

The precarious economic situation can influence the development of the child, who needs a safe and welcoming environment. Again, the feeling of safety is paramount, but also nutrition, hygiene and well-being.


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